{"id":42,"date":"2012-05-21T12:37:55","date_gmt":"2012-05-21T12:37:55","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/bbs.studio-revolution.net\/magazine\/?p=42"},"modified":"2014-11-30T22:54:34","modified_gmt":"2014-11-30T22:54:34","slug":"the-coffee-guys-rants-too-many-pokeballs","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/bbs.thecoldstorage.uk\/magazine\/?p=42","title":{"rendered":"The Coffee Guy’s Rants: Too Many Pokeballs"},"content":{"rendered":"

THAT’S RIGHT, YOU HEARD ME. THERE’S TOO MANY OF THESE DARN BALLS ABOUT TODAY!<\/p>\n

FIRSTLY, WHAT THE HECK HAS GONE WRONG WITH SOCIETY THAT YOU NEED ALL THESE KINDS OF BALLS THAT DO THE SAME DARN THING ANYWAY BUT WITH A SLIGHTLY DIFFERENT COLOUR AND A FAR HIGHER PRICE TAG? WHAT’S WRONG WITH GOOD OLD RED AND WHITE? GUESS WHAT, YOU SPEAK TO ANYONE DOWN THE STREET ABOUT POKEBALLS AND THAT’S THE FIRST THING THEY’RE GOING TO THINK OF! NOT BLUE AND WHITE, OR MEW FORBID YELLOW AND BLUE! THOSE COLOURS DON’T EVEN NORMALLY MATCH! WHY NOT KEEP IT TO WHITE, EVERYTHING GOES WITH WHITE! EVEN I GO WITH WHITE! I DON’T THINK THEY EVEN KNOW WHAT COLOUR TO GO WITH ANYMORE BUT\u00a0THEY JUST USE A NEW ONE\u00a0TO MAKE YOU BUY IT! YOU KNOW THAT PREMIER BALL? IT’S NO DIFFERENT TO A POKEBALL; THE DARN THING JUST HAS A DIFFERENT COLOUR AND WORKS THE SAME WAY! BUT I’M SURE IT WAS MADE TO ‘COMMEMORATE AN EVENT’ – THAT EVENT BEING THE DAY SOME BIGWIG EXECUTIVE CAME UP WITH THE IDEA TO GET PEOPLE TO BUY POKEBALLS IN BULK!<\/p>\n

BUT IT’S NOT JUST THE DIFFERENT COLOURS! OH NO, THEY MAKE UP ALL KINDS OF RUBBISH WITH THESE NEW FANGLED BALLS! HECK, IT WAS BAD ENOUGH WHEN WE HAD GREAT AND ULTRA WHICH WERE SUPPOSDLY ‘BETTER’ AT CATCHING POKEMON. WELL I TELL YOU I THREW ALL KINDS OF BALLS AT THAT WEEDLE THERE AND NOT A SINGLE ONE WORKED! BUT NOW? NOW WE HAVE ALL SORTS OF WEIRD THINGS! LOOK AT THIS HERE DUSK BALL. APPARENTLY IT WORKS BETTER AT NIGHT TIME! NOW HOW THE HELL WILL THIS GREEN THING KNOW WHEN IT’S NIGHT OR NOT? AND IF IT CAN BE BETTER AT NIGHT, WHY CAN’T THEY MAKE ONE THAT’S BETTER DURING THE\u00a0DAY? SOME OF US LIKE TO GET TO BED EARLY, YOU KNOW! IT MIGHT AS WELL BE MORE EFFECTIVE ALL THE TIME! WHAT IS IT, LAZY?<\/p>\n

OR THIS NEST BALL! NOW THAT’S A REAL JOKE! IT SAYS ON THE TAG HERE THAT IT WORKS BETTER ON WEAKER POKEMON. WELL OF COURSE IT WOULD;\u00a0THAT’S HOW EVERY BALL WORKS! THE WEAKER THE TARGET THE MORE LIKELY IT’LL GET CAUGHT! WHAT KIND OF FOOL DOESN’T KNOW THAT ALREADY? BUT THIS ONE APPARENTLY COSTS $800 MORE THAN YOUR AVERAGE POKEBALL!<\/p>\n

THE FRIEND BALL! THIS ONE MAGICALLY MAKES YOUR POKEMON LIKE YOU! I CAN BELIEVE THAT POKEBALLS CATCH AND STORE\u00a0POKEMON, BUT HOW DOES THAT EVEN WORK? DOES IT HAVE A SPA INSIDE OF IT OR SOMETHING? WHAT IF IT’S A FIRE POKEMON THAT YOU CATCH IT WITH THEN, HUH? AND THE HEAVY BALL JUST PROMOTES MAKING JUDGEMENTS ABOUT POKEMON’S WEIGHT! NEXT TIME YOU TRY USING ONE ON A SNORLAX CONSIDER ITS FEELINGS! AND HOW DOES IT KNOW TO WORK BETTER ON FAT POKEMON\u00a0ANYWAY? WHAT’S NEXT, A BALL THAT SOMEHOW KNOWS HOW LONG THE\u00a0BATTLE HAS GONE FOR!?<\/p>\n

HECK, NORMAL POKEBALLS AREN’T EVEN NECESSARY! YOU KNOW WHAT CAME BEFORE THOSE? APRICORNS! THAT KURT FELLOW APPRECIATES THEM AT LEAST BUT ALL KIDS DO THESE DAYS IS FEED THEM TO THEIR POKEMON AND MAKE THEM JUMP OVER HURDLES! NOW WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU DO THAT? INSTEAD OF PAYING A FORTUNE FOR A NEW BALL PAINTED PINK BY SOME COLLEGE DROPOUT, THEY SHOULD DO THINGS THE OLD FASHIONED WAY! AND BY THAT I MEAN THROWING AN APRICORN AT THE POKEMON OVER AND OVER UNTIL IT FAINTED AND TAKING IT HOME AND TYING ITS LEGS TO THE BED LEG! THAT SHOWED THE THING WHO’S BOSS!<\/p>\n

I MEAN, WHAT ARE WE GOING TO GET NEXT? THE POKEBALL YOYO!?
\n<\/a><\/p>\n

Written by the ‘Coffee Guy’ of Viridian City (pictured below) of RBY\/FRLG. This rant was made possible by coffee supplied by bobandbill.
\n\"\"<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

THAT’S RIGHT, YOU HEARD ME. THERE’S TOO MANY OF THESE DARN BALLS ABOUT TODAY! FIRSTLY, WHAT THE HECK HAS GONE WRONG WITH SOCIETY THAT YOU NEED ALL THESE KINDS OF BALLS THAT DO THE SAME DARN THING ANYWAY BUT WITH A SLIGHTLY DIFFERENT COLOUR AND A FAR HIGHER PRICE TAG? WHAT’S WRONG WITH GOOD OLD … Continue reading “The Coffee Guy’s Rants: Too Many Pokeballs”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":6,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[224,9],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-42","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-coffee-guy-rant","category-humor"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p3SwsJ-G","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":404,"url":"https:\/\/bbs.thecoldstorage.uk\/magazine\/?p=404","url_meta":{"origin":42,"position":0},"title":"The Coffee Guy\u2019s Rants: Remakes, Get Off My Lawn","author":"bobandbill","date":"October 25, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"Cover your ears, for the famed Coffee Guy from Viridian City has a rant to share! BY GUM, I SAY THERE'S TOO MANY OF THESE REMAKES THESE DAYS! I CAN'T UNDERSTAND WHY, BUT IT SEEMS WE'RE TO REVISIT THIS HOENN PLACE AGAIN! AND I FOR ONE COULD NOT BE MORE\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Coffee Guy Rant"","block_context":{"text":"Coffee Guy Rant","link":"https:\/\/bbs.thecoldstorage.uk\/magazine\/?cat=224"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":237,"url":"https:\/\/bbs.thecoldstorage.uk\/magazine\/?p=237","url_meta":{"origin":42,"position":1},"title":"Gotta Snag’em All: The Making of the Snag Machine","author":"bobandbill","date":"September 27, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"This is Scientist Richard for Team Snagem. I've been hired by the company to create some sort of \"Snag Device\". Its purpose will be to steal Pokemon from other trainers, by changing a PokeBall into a SnagBall. This will be a huge technical undertaking. Since PokeBalls were invented by Kurt\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Fan Works"","block_context":{"text":"Fan Works","link":"https:\/\/bbs.thecoldstorage.uk\/magazine\/?cat=11"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":160,"url":"https:\/\/bbs.thecoldstorage.uk\/magazine\/?p=160","url_meta":{"origin":42,"position":2},"title":"The Coffee Guy’s Rants: Lazy Trainers","author":"bobandbill","date":"April 21, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"YOU KNOW WHAT REALLY KETTLES MY GOLDEEN? TRAINERS THESE DAYS NOT DOING THINGS THE RIGHT WAY! JUST LOOK AT THESE WHIPPERSNAPPERS THESE DAYS. YOU EVER SEE A GOOD OLD FASHIONED POK\u00c9MON BATTLE DONE FOR THE SAKE OF GRINDING? YOU\u2019LL BE LUCKY TO NOW! INSTEAD OF MAKING THEIR POK\u00c9MON FIGHT EACH\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Coffee Guy Rant"","block_context":{"text":"Coffee Guy Rant","link":"https:\/\/bbs.thecoldstorage.uk\/magazine\/?cat=224"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/cdn.bulbagarden.net\/media\/upload\/thumb\/2\/25\/Oldman2.png\/120px-Oldman2.png?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":85,"url":"https:\/\/bbs.thecoldstorage.uk\/magazine\/?p=85","url_meta":{"origin":42,"position":3},"title":"Conspiracy: The Master Ball","author":"An-chan","date":"August 1, 2012","format":false,"excerpt":"Uh-oh. \u00a0Once again the familiar, paranoid mumbling from the cardboard box down the street is getting louder. In order to protect the ears of innocent bystanders, we've promised to publish another one of her rants - but it's not like there isn't more where it's coming from... It's all very\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Conspiracy"","block_context":{"text":"Conspiracy","link":"https:\/\/bbs.thecoldstorage.uk\/magazine\/?cat=20"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/img577.imageshack.us\/img577\/6928\/conspiracy.png?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":451,"url":"https:\/\/bbs.thecoldstorage.uk\/magazine\/?p=451","url_meta":{"origin":42,"position":4},"title":"The Name Rater: Seel & Dewgong!","author":"bobandbill","date":"January 26, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"Welcome! I'm back to rate those nicknames you gave for Seel and Dewgong! This is not the best time for myself, but it seems you sure came up with a whole bunch. That is good, because I'm all out of fish. Let's pray the nicknames will keep the horde of\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Name Rater"","block_context":{"text":"Name Rater","link":"https:\/\/bbs.thecoldstorage.uk\/magazine\/?cat=22"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":58,"url":"https:\/\/bbs.thecoldstorage.uk\/magazine\/?p=58","url_meta":{"origin":42,"position":5},"title":"Black and White’s Story – A genuine breakaway from formula?","author":"bobandbill","date":"June 20, 2012","format":false,"excerpt":"Many know that Pokemon Black and White was billed as having a more intricate and engaging story compared to previous games, coupled with entertaining characters. And it is certainly true that in many aspects it is better. 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