Conspiracy: Hats Make the Hero

You’ve got to listen to me. I mean it this time too. I found out the reason for the successes for all those new Champions that have cropped up of late. And it’s not some secret training regieme or techniques. These aren’t a bunch of child geniuses that just happened to spring up these last few years.

It’s the fact that they all wear headwear. And I believe it’s the reason why they’re so- hey, don’t click away now!

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Such terrible power is contained here. Really.

To begin with, I’ll establish to you that they do indeed wear hats. Just look for yourself at these images of all these Champions.

[Image: 800px-PlayerCharactersGrouped.png] That’s a lot of hats-err, Champions. With hats.

Every single one has a hat, besides May of Hoenn who wears a bandana. But that in itself is a form of headwear, and I’ve my suspicions of her too. Take Brendan of Hoenn – although it may not be obvious from afar, he is actually wearing a pretty weird hat of his own. And let me ask you -who has ever seen a hat like that anyway? And out of all of the recent challengers of the Elite Four across the world, those who were successful – and able to hold the title of Champion for over five minutes – were the Trainers who wore hats.

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While the hatless Gary is the only one without a hat to get to the end, that girl was last seen in Viridian Forest. It’s tough challenging the League.

But, you may very well ask, what does a hat have to do with anything, such as your ability to have Pokémon battles? Whatever is significant about that? Well, look at it this way – how many current Gym Leaders, Elite Four members, or previous Champions, wear hats at all, let alone all the time?

The answer is, unsurprisingly, small – there’s ten out of eight-eight of them from the last few years. After all, these people battle indoors frequently. You have a few exceptions like Blaine, Wallace and Drake, but that is it and they otherwise act like the rest. So to have all of the new Champions have hats… it’s statistically unlikely, to begin with. But now consider this: with these new Champions, you don’t see the trainers removing their hat often at all, do you? Sometimes it even seems they hold it on their hat as much as possible…

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Every conversation this Trainer has, he’s clutching onto the hat. But why?

So what if the reason they’re so good, the reason why these kids have suddenly trounced through their respective Leagues, and cleaned up various criminal teams to boot, is because of their hast?

What if… the hats are actually controlling them?

Hear me out, please. I promise this is not a tinfoil hat theory – besides, given what I’m about to tell you, I’d stay far away from hats of any kind.

What are these hats? In truth, I do not know. Are they a new form of Pokémon? Or something else? I wouldn’t even dare trying to get one to try and find out. But for sake of comparison, I think they act rather like the mushroom that controls the Parasect. A parasite, that has complete control over the host. And there’s many reasons why I feel this is a reasonable guess. And in a world such as ours, I don’t think this is too unrealistic a concept.

Reason number one: these Trainers barely speak, if ever. Much like how Parasect is rather lifeless and doesn’t do much beyond basic functions, these people are more sociable than a shy Wobbuffet tail. Just check any of the interviews with the characters. The most you can get out of them is a couple words, and they only really shout a couple words of instruction to their Pokémon at most. They’ve been seen to say Yes and No in responses to questions, but beyond that, what they say doesn’t make much sense.

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I’d be confused too if someone said that to me…

And this is the case for all the new Champions, and only the ones wearing hats. Funny how it’s only they that cannot talk, unlike every other Gym Leader or Champion, huh? Even Blue, who makes the title, got beaten straight away by the soundless Red. While he had a good rant after losing, Red just silently walked away with Oak and got inducted into the Hall of Fame. The reason I propose for this is that the hat is not a perfect controller. It cannot quite fully make the Trainer do everything, hence why they are for the most part mute.

Reason number two: the trainers appear to seek challenge and danger. Stuff that nobody else dared to. Think about it. Red, for instance, stood up to Team Rocket. So did the Johto Champions. And you all know who was responsible for the sudden downfall of the other teams in Hoenn, Sinnoh, Unova and Kalos? That’s right, the rest of the Champions. Could it be that the hats are merely trying to wipe out those who pose a threat to them, large groups with power and sway in their regions? It is a most curious coincidence, that every new Champion had gone and seemingly brought down entire organisations singlehandedly. How much do these hats know about mastering Pokémon battles? Well, I’m afraid the record of these Champions speak for themselves…

Reason number three: even ignoring the above, they still don’t act normally. This is a common theme behind each of them. Beyond their supposed friendships with their Pokémon, they can be at best described as people devoid of personality. Take Red again. What did he do after becoming Champion, after being declared the best trainer in the region? Why, he went to Mt Silver for three years. And stood at the top. Without saying a word. Now that’s hardly normal.

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And he’s a kid to boot. What kid does that?

He was not seen speaking. There’s hardly much to eat on the top of Mt Silver. Could any normal person survive there? Maybe, if they weren’t in the right frame of mind, so to speak. The only time he did move was when the Champions from Johto made their way there… a worrying sign, if anything.

What other reason is there for him to do such a thing? Maybe the hats simply want to achieve such a status, and was unsure how to keep the charade upon completion in this case. There’s more odd behaviour too, from the strange interviews with these Champions, to their unnerving capture of every Legendary Pokémon. You name it, they caught it – from gods of the sun and rain, to those wielding power over time and space. And right there is the main cause for my concern. Never mind that there’s trainers controlled by hats, it’s the potential reason behind that, and the dangerous spread of those hats.

Oh, you thought they were the only ones? I have reason to believe otherwise. There are other lesser trainers who exhibit similar behaviours, the likes of which we have not seen until now.

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The ramblings of a poor child recently under the hold of a hat parasite, starting to lose all vocabulary beyond yelling ‘RATTATA’.

But this is hardly the worst of it – I fear the whole region of Kalos is under threat. Unlike any other region, the region has been swept up in a fashion frenzy. How many reports have we seen of people forking over thousands of dollars on clothes? Where did this come from? And why is there a shop that only sells hats? And every such shop happens to sell hats. Suspicious… And while people can go and change hats, you just don’t see these Trainers removing them outright. Ever.

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Pick a parasite.

The only time you see the afflicted without their hats is when they have a haircut, and then it’s nowhere near long enough for the victim to recover out of their state. They remain frozen, motionless, and utterly unresponsive until the hat is returned. It’s clear – the hats are swapped in regular intervals so they can all survive. The hats in control then go out and earn money from their captive, and bring it back, effectively gaining funds, and shaping the economy in their favour.

Meanwhile, in other regions the Champions have either continued to catch a number of Pokémon, and chase down legendary Pokémon, or simply retreat into the wilderness like Red has, seemingly biding their time.

How long until the hats invade the other regions? I fear it’s only a matter of time.

Written by bobandbill
Completely sensible idea by bobandbill and Shinx
Edited by An-chan, Bay Alexison, bobandbill, Hoenn, Jess, Shinx, and Slayr231

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One Response to “Conspiracy: Hats Make the Hero”

  1. The Cloned Ash theory Says:

    […] Perfection upon the highest form. Way better than that ridiculous alien hat theory […]

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